Thursday, 27 September 2012
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Why I belong on xanga
So recently I've come across the notion that I belong NOWHERE. I mean I'm not trying to pull a huge pity party, let's all comfort Chelsea, because she's a big dweeb session here. When I was in high school I remembering knowing what it was like to belong. But when I turned 19 I got really sick and my knowing how to belong vanished.
So I was trying to think of places that I belong. I have PTSD and another diagnosis I won't share, I don't fit in with people with mental illnesses, because I actually have a very rare mental illness. While I somewhat relate to people with PTSD. My other diagnosis is the problem and it makes me feel very alone. I don't fit in with people who are my age group, because I have been forced to mature in some ways and lack maturity in others. I don't even fit in the with the people who don't fit in, because naturally I fit in, I am just sick. So when I try to talk to people from college or high school who were outcasts they look at me like I'm still the popular girl who wanted nothing to do with them. And fair is fair, I probably should have included them, I've matured a lot.
So then I thought of xanga and how I've been here since I was 15, (TEN YEARS) writing in here. And it never really mattered where I was at my life or what I was willing to reveal or how popular or unpopular I was, xanga was still here. I would like to say that xanga is for outcasts. But it's really not. It's for all casts.
I realize that most of you only know me by this name and so you're probably like "who the fuck are you?" Well I have another name that I keep pretty secret. And by secret I mean I just have friend's lock and don't accept creeps.
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Comments (8)
I've tried other blogging sites and Xanga has always been my favorite. I think if Xanga went down, I would probably give up blogging. I'd just open a random website again and if people found me they would find me. If not, then Oh well.
Interesting, I was just talking with my therapist today about how I've always felt the outcast and only rarely felt a sense of belonging. And yes, PTSD totally sucks! For me it's the dissociative symptoms that get to me more so than the PTSD though, although the depression certainly doesn't help! I hope you are able to find a sense of belonging and acceptance here, even if you don't feel it right now.
The Mentall Illness club isn't a fun one to be in. Everyone thinks you are going to kill them or something.
@the_Coley_he_seeks - yea we'll just say I have a severe dissociative disorder, lol. It does make you feel like a stranger.
@Erika_Steele - yea me too, I always come back to xanga. My friends are like "is that place still alive?" LOL
@Shadowrunner81 - Yep. Especially with our diagnoses. We should make our xanga names "AxeMuderer1" And "AxeMurderer2". At least you don't gain a french accent while doing the killings.
very true. On xanga I even get along with most people, and i met many that I otherwise wouldn't have met. They are still nice even when they are in a totally different place in life. If I don't get along with someone it's because they have a way of communicating I don't like...or in other words, because they are being assholes. Not because of how popular they are or what they went through or didn't. i used to belong to the eating disordered group (and many of my friends here do have e.d.s) but I don't see myself there anymore. I'm not so disordered, and with some people there just isn't THAT much I have in common...not more than with any random person.
@under_the_carpet - that's how it was for me too. I was part of that group, and then I really drifted from it, a lot of my friends on my old site have eating disorders. I'm glad we're both at that point in our lives. :D
Yeah, you can get unconditional acceptance here, can't you?
I've made a few "enemies" online, but only because I was goading them.
Your contents force out your readers for commenting.
Boyne Bryan