Thursday, 27 September 2012
So recently I've come across the notion that I belong NOWHERE. I mean I'm not trying to pull a huge pity party, let's all comfort Chelsea, because she's a big dweeb session here. When I was in high school I remembering knowing what it was like to belong. But when I turned 19 I got really sick and my knowing how to belong vanished.
So I was trying to think of places that I belong. I have PTSD and another diagnosis I won't share, I don't fit in with people with mental illnesses, because I actually have a very rare mental illness. While I somewhat relate to people with PTSD. My other diagnosis is the problem and it makes me feel very alone. I don't fit in with people who are my age group, because I have been forced to mature in some ways and lack maturity in others. I don't even fit in the with the people who don't fit in, because naturally I fit in, I am just sick. So when I try to talk to people from college or high school who were outcasts they look at me like I'm still the popular girl who wanted nothing to do with them. And fair is fair, I probably should have included them, I've matured a lot.
So then I thought of xanga and how I've been here since I was 15, (TEN YEARS) writing in here. And it never really mattered where I was at my life or what I was willing to reveal or how popular or unpopular I was, xanga was still here. I would like to say that xanga is for outcasts. But it's really not. It's for all casts.
I realize that most of you only know me by this name and so you're probably like "who the fuck are you?" Well I have another name that I keep pretty secret. And by secret I mean I just have friend's lock and don't accept creeps.